Dating with a disability gay man

What quickly becomes apparent is that none of the equipment is accessible to my body.

Love for Jeff (Dating with a Disability)

Nobody wants to hurt, break or maim the crippled guy more than he already is, right? PT is something that I hated as a child, but something that I have come to accept as an adult. Here is the problem with it that I have had. As a disabled person, where I live in Toronto, you can access physical therapy only four times. This means you are allowed only four meetings with this person, after which you are meant to continue the therapy on your own. How am I gonna do this on my own? So, what can I do to get fit? Where does one queer crippled guy go to obtain the body that the app-holes are thirsting for?

Spaces like the gym, filled to the brim with beautiful bodies and bulging boys, are so often not designed with my disability in mind. The messaging I hear in the gym is loud and clear: This is further proof that my queer crippled body has no real value, as it is. The next time you tell a disabled guy that they just need to work out, think about the privilege that comes with that statement.

Gay Disabled Dating | Meet Single Disabled Gays

But luckily, queer women tend to be more accepting. And the older I get, the less concerned I am about my arm counting against my attractiveness. Now, in my twenties, I feel more confident than ever thanks to age, maturity, and my badass bionic arm. I dated my first girlfriend, Charlie, when I was Once, during a typical L Word -watching session, I burst into tears after the infamous oil wrestling scene with Nikki Stevens and Jenny Schecter, because they were so thin and so beautiful.

We certainly did not look like Jenny and Nikki: Charlie was very butch and I was a weird theater kid. I wanted to be beautiful in the way that all young girls are conditioned to aspire to: Yet my missing arm did not yet enter that equation of wanting. At the time, my disability did not factor into my understanding of beauty standards.


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Queer women have lots of options in terms of gender presentation — we tend to embrace looks that differ from the norm. Embarrassingly, The L Word significantly influenced my sense of self and how I came to terms with my sexuality. This was the case for many young queer women: The L Word , even with all of its problems, was sacred to us.

I tried all the types of queer femininity the show depicts: I cut off all my hair and started wearing T-shirts and blazers to get the Shane look dark times but ended up channeling Jenny with long, black hair and red lips. No, I will not apologize for it. Charlie and I continued to date even though she also talked to a few other girls behind my back.


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It was like we were trauma-bonded: We were one of the first out queer couples in high school. She was much stronger than I was — she was always the one to respond to straight guys calling us dykes in the hallway or classmates gawking at us kissing in front of my locker. We were about 17 when the anonymous comment website Formspring became popular.

Formspring was a social networking service that had its heyday in Users were able to set up a profile and others could comment anything they wanted, completely anonymously. This was obviously very popular for high school students who wanted to cyberbully each other. I made a profile because I wanted to know what my classmates thought of me. Deep down, I worried people thought I was ugly — or worse, ugly because of my arm.

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How Having A Disability Influenced My Queer Dating Life

On my Formspring profile, I received compliments saying that I inspired people to be themselves I was never afraid to experiment with my look or speak my mind but was equally flooded with insults. I received nasty comments for being gay, for having an orange spray tan, for being a theater geek — but nothing about being disabled. But now that they could say anything behind the safety of a computer screen, I began to worry that someone would make fun of me for being an amputee. I was asked if I was dating Charlie, who was completely out. She was very swaggy and all girls, including straight ones, liked her.

This enraged me, so I did something immature: I hatched a plan to get her to care about me again. After school one day, I went straight to the computer lab.

Redefine Your Love Life!

I stayed in the library, switching between homework and compulsively refreshing the page until Charlie responded a few hours later. The rush I felt from her defending me was almost sexual. She threatened to fight whoever said it and listed a whole bunch of nice things about me. Even a girl she was talking to on the down-low jumped in to defend me.

No one had ever blatantly questioned whether I was undateable because of my arm, so why did I?

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But mostly I was so terrified of someone else saying I was unattractive because of my arm that I tried to mitigate the pain by saying it first. My confidence level got much higher when I got to college. Though people began asking questions about my disability more, I got hit on and hooked up frequently. Having grown into my style, I felt attractive.